Twilight and suckage go hand in hand
Like a drunk and his hideous wife
I've been trapped in choir with some of its fans
And I think I've been scarred for life.
They giggled and squealed like chimpanzees
Which only made practicing harder
A part of me died with every squee
And I think that the chimps would be smarter
So I waited until the end of the year
The teacher was truly a jerk
So I told him that I'm never coming back here
It simply is not going to work.
But, alas, my escape was too good to be true
As I quickly and painfully found
For just when I thought that the torture was through
The Book Challenges came around.
I started with romance, my Kryptonite
As the genre of one lucky book
But then it occurred to me later that night
I only had one place to look.
So I went to the basement and carefully took
A book that belonged to my mom
The same that the fangirls revered with amazement
Insisting that it was the bomb.
The book that I chose was Twilight, my friend
And by some irreversible fluke
I had to read it all the way to the end
And carefully try not to puke.
Bella's a 'tard, and Meyer's a cow
And Edward's a sparkly fag
I said to my mom, "can I take a break now?
The drama is making me gag!"
I didn't squeal, I didn't shout
I didn't laugh or cry
All it did from page one out
Was make my brain cells die.
When I had reached the final page,
I knew that I had died
My brain was numb, but full of rage
Because its cells had fried.
And I had risen from the dead,
A new, enlightened girl
To rain down wrath upon its head
Just to give it a whirl
As far as the book goes, toothpicks to the eye
Would actually not be much worse
So I picked up my pencil and started to write
To insult it in lyrical verse.
So Stephenie Meyer, my thanks you get
(A bit, at any rate)
For uniting the sensible folks of the Net
By giving us something to hate.